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Sipping Vodka

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Sipping Vodka

Postby Liza » Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:04 am

A new priest was so nervous at his first mass he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy Junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it, for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

To all those very religious people in the forum sorry if its a bit blasphemous but I thought it was funny. :lol:
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Postby cannedmoose » Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:24 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: out of :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Welcome back Liza mou :)
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Postby Liza » Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:44 am

Thanks moosey mou! :D
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Postby Christie » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:02 am

Lisa the paradox is that the more blasphemous the joke is - the more funny it seems :lol:
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Postby petethegreek » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:08 am

Very good.

:lol:
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Postby Liza » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:09 am

Looks like we're all doomed then!! :D
Don't think I'd know many people in heaven anyway :lol:
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Postby petethegreek » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:11 am

Liza wrote:Looks like we're all doomed then!! :D
Don't think I'll know many people in heaven anyway :lol:


I hope that was not a reference to the compliment I just payed u?

:?
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Postby devil » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:43 am

Liza wrote:Looks like we're all doomed then!! :D
Don't think I'd know many people in heaven anyway :lol:


It's cool in hell: Devil knows you won't be able to see the fire for all the priests!
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Postby demetriou_74 » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:51 am

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Postby Liza » Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:20 pm

pete wrote
I hope that was not a reference to the compliment I just payed u?



Of course not dear!! Why would you think that I'm a nice person :wink:
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