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Nominated as the world's best short joke

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Nominated as the world's best short joke

Postby CBBB » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:27 pm

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.
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Postby Phill » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:41 pm

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys shop.

You asked for the large red vibrator as featured on our wall display.

Please select another item because that is in fact our FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
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Postby Get Real! » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:43 pm

I know a different version to that…

A 3-year-old girl examined her vagina while taking a bath.
'Mum', she asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'What’s that?' she replied.
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Postby insan » Tue Feb 01, 2011 8:53 pm

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: So, why do u wear shorts then??? :lol:
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Postby quattro » Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:30 pm

Hell

What follows is an answer to intermediate tests / advances in chemistry at the University of Crete.
The question was as follows and rated with extra points:
Is Hell exothermic or esothermi?
(In chemistry or exothermic heat while giving the other one sucks).

Most students have responded by providing evidence based on the Law of Boyle (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or something similar.
However, one wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. Therefore we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which n large.
I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will be gone. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's see how many different religions in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you're not a fan, then you will go to hell. If more than one of these religions and since people belong to more than one religion, we can draw the conclusion that all souls go to hell. And as the rates of births and deaths, we should expect that the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, why look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order to keep a constant temperature and pressure in Hell, the volume must be increased proportionately as souls are added. This gives us 2 cases:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will grow until it burst Hell breaks loose souls.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. Which of the 2 cases of force;;

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year, that. "It would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." if plus consider and the fact that last night actually slept with her then. true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct .... leaving only Heaven. This in turn proves the existence of a divine being which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
This student got the only 'A'.
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Postby Phill » Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:55 pm

Now for something sweet..... :lol:

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street .
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts! :shock:
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Postby quattro » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:06 pm

One day a florist went to a barbershop for a haircut. After the haircut, he asked for the bill and the barber replied, "I can not accept money from you, I offer charitable work this week." The florist thanked and left the store. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, he found at the door a card with "thank you" and a dozen roses.
In just a baker went for a haircut, and when he went to pay, the barber again replied: "I can not accept money from you, I offer charitable work this week." The baker was happy and left the store. In the morning when the barber went to open, at the door was a card with "thank you" and a dozen cakes.
Then came an MP for a haircut, and when he went to pay the bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you, I offer charitable work this week." The member was very happy and left the store. The next morning when the barber went to open, there were a dozen members who waited in line for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and policies to govern.
Politicians are like diapers should be changed often and for the same reason!
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Postby Kikapu » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:25 pm

Wife wants to buy special cloth to rub her tits with, because the add said that it would make tits get larger.:D

Husband says, "why don't you use toilet paper. Look what it did to your ass". :lol:
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Postby Phill » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:51 pm

I recently tripped over while on an escalator. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half!
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Postby Phill » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:52 pm

My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road.
You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.
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