Cricket is all about adding to your own tally – how many runs can you score, how may wickets can you take – but you are always fulfilling your role within a team. In football, anyone can score, anyone can make the mistake that loses the game, and yet everyone thinks that they are the greatest player ever to don boots and the only one who can win the match. Being a cricketer means shelving personal ambition for the sake of the team; being a footballer means loving yourself more than you could ever be loved by another.
No-one ever got sent out by a games master to play cricket in the rain – enough said.
Cricket can only really be played in clement weather conditions. A game which carries with it the possibility of double pneumonia must, by definition, be a crap one.
No cricketer ever fell flat on their face in an attempt to win favour with an official.
Even football fans are sick of watching players trip over a blade of grass and then attempt to convince the referee that their leg has been broken by an opponent. And if the referee doesn’t fall for it, their mates will surround the referee and shout at him like a drunken mob who’ve just been told that McDonald’s is closed. Try that in cricket and, you’ll be going home minus your match fee and with a special two week holiday.
You can have an education and still be a professional cricketer
When did you last hear of a footballer going to university? In England, Frank Lampard is regarded as being ‘clever’ because he has 12 O levels. That’s entry level for most cricketers. And at some sides a degree is almost a minimum requirement, preferably one in something business-related. A footballer’s knowledge of business tends to be limited to seeing how much they can get for selling their **** to a deodorant manufacturer.
Even the morbidly obese can play cricket, just ask Yuvraj
When did you see a fat footballer? Ever? Compare that to a world with Yuvi, Mark Cosgrove, Merv Hughes, Shane Warne, Jesse Ryder and goodness knows who else. Cricket isn’t only great, it is all-inclusive. You can be as fat as these five, as thin as Finn, or you can have the 6′10″ Will Jefferson batting with 5″5′ James Taylor. Size doesn’t matter. Shape doesn’t matter. It is a sport for everyone. Football, on the other hand, is mostly played by clones whose idea of diversity is to allow Peter Crouch to fall over once in a while.
In the last 44 years, England have reached 5 world finals and even won one of them
Winning the football world cup can’t be that hard, because France have done it and the French are the kids in the class with the word ‘Loser’ written on their forehead in green ink. Even Greece has won a European football Championship!
Even allowing for the fact that England have made heavy weather of four of those finals and ended up losing them, it is still 5 finals more than the footballers have managed.Not every cricketer is an overpaid, preening, halfwit who blubs when things don’t go their way
Football is full of them, the players whose every mistake was someone else’s fault. Contrast that with Matt Prior and Craig Kieswetter both owning up to their deficiencies behind the stumps recently. Footballers would rather whine and pout until someone buys them another sports car than do anything remotely introspective or exhibit an ounce of self-awareness.
Not only is the drinking of alcohol at cricket matches allowed, it is positively encouraged (I accept that this is not true in some countries, but you wouldn’t be allowed to drink at football matches there, either) - do I need to explain this one?
No cricketer ever made a record as bad as this
Or this
Neither of which I am going to explain, because I can’t. What the **** were they thinking?
You can support your national cricket team without turning into a flag-waving moron
Cricket fans know that you don’t need to trumpet your nationality. If you are in England, logic dictates that you are likely to be an England fan. If you are in Australia, logic dictates that you are likely to be a fan of Australia. The theory falls down somewhat in a country like Cyprus where a fan there is just as likely to be a fan of Greece and Turkey which is just not normal or logical - but that's another story!
If you support someone else, then you need to fly the flag and tell people who you support. Flying an England flag in England or an Australian Flag in Australia just tells us that your genitals are undersized and that your job description includes the words “Do you want fries with that?”. No comment on Greek and Turkish Flags in Cyprus! That just can't be explained. 
Yep, Football is the opiate of the masses - a simple game for simple people!
