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Communism Vs Capitalism

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Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby Paphitis » Sun May 11, 2014 7:06 am

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

NAZISM/DICTATORSHIP
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ANARCHISM
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

THE CYPRIOT CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell all their milk and lend the proceeds to Greece to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You borrow from Laiki and invest even more in Greece to build barns, milking sheds, dairies, etc etc. You then borrow even more to build your own barns, milking sheds etc etc etc. This creates a property development boom where lots of peasants are selling their land and buying luxury German cars. A lot of peasants are now buying Cyprus stocks in Laiki and BoC. Greece goes bankrupt. Laiki and BoC go bankrupt. The building boom collapses and the peasants have had their bank accounts levied and luxury German cars repossessed. The peasants then complain that their losses on the stocks was a scandal and demand compensation. Meanwhile, you lose your cows and the Troika takes your land!
:lol:

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none. No one believes you, so they invade your country and bomb the poo out of you.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby GreekIslandGirl » Sun May 11, 2014 7:40 pm

TURKISH MONKEY BUSINESS

You have "two" cows.
You stole one from Greece and the other from Cyprus.
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby Get Real! » Sun May 11, 2014 11:33 pm

ISLAMIST
You have two cows.
You sacrifice them both and ask Allah to send you four.
You have none!

JEW
You have two cows.
They’re not kosher so you destroy them with a depleted uranium missile.
You have none!

HINDU
You have two cows.
You can’t consume them so they just keep multiplying.
You have a traffic problem.

BUDDHIST
You have two cows.
You live at such a high altitude the cows don’t survive.
You have none.
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby Paphitis » Mon May 12, 2014 1:15 am

Get Real! wrote:HINDU
You have two cows.
You can’t consume them so they just keep multiplying.
You have a traffic problem.


Wow! 2 Cows multiplied! :shock:

Miraculous Hindu conception. I bet both were still Virgins too. :P
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby puffik » Tue May 20, 2014 7:09 pm

Under Capitalism man oppresses man,
under Communism it is the other way around....
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby Oceanside50 » Tue May 20, 2014 7:18 pm

puffik wrote:Under Capitalism man oppresses man,
under Communism it is the other way around....



Exactly one can add fascism to that ! Best form of government is anarchy ! Create a human that can rule himself
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Re: Communism Vs Capitalism

Postby Cap » Tue May 20, 2014 7:21 pm

Capitalism over Communism anyday.

Communism wasn't geared for the human condition.
It works in theory, not in practice.
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