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The adventures of a techie.

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The adventures of a techie.

Postby Get Real! » Wed Mar 29, 2017 1:53 am

Part 1: The granny bordello.

About 5 years ago I got a call from a 60 something lady who said she was an aspiring author and needed help to “computerize” her manuscript.

I figured that a mid-range MFC with a scanner and optical character recognition (OCR) software would do the trick so I explained my solution to which she agreed. The idea was to set it all up and then show her how to scan 2-3 documents, OCR them, and then onto Ms Word.

Some days later while on the job she briefly left the small home office and returned to say that her mother wanted to say hello!

I looked up and found that rather weird so I just nodded OK and didn’t give it much thought. :?

Within a couple of minutes an Asian lady appeared who pushed a wheelchair into the room on which a very old lady sat and strategically positioned her so she could observe everything I was doing.

She must’ve been 90 something, very frail, had no teeth and just stared at me with her mouth wide open! I tried to smile but felt very uneasy and didn’t really know what to do. It was pretty awkward.

All of a sudden I discovered that the old lady could speak when she said in a very loud and clear voice…

“Kyrie Mariai… Kyrie Mariai… eisai boli goiteutikos!”

And I’m like… WTF? :? ...and thought… :shock: “Enna mas gamisoun damesa!”

I managed a very timid “Efharisto” but by now I was feeling hot under collar… I already had her daughter cracking onto me earlier when she insisted on kissing me (on the cheek) for fixing something in her Windows and now the old girl was trying her luck too! :?

Man, I reckon the last time a guy walked into that apartment must’ve been in the 1960s. I began to sense that there were some very lonely women in this place… only by now they had gone off pretty bad!

I remember thinking to myself… if I get out of this place without getting raped by a bunch of grannies I’ll be very lucky!

Not too long after that the daughter came in, noticed that I was rather uncomfortable and to my relief wheeled her out with a… “Afiston kyrion Marion na kami din doulian dou!”

But my relief was not to last for she pulled up a chair and sat right next to me eager to soak up every little move I was making.

Soon it seemed that every little win I had with the job; like successfully scanning a page, or copying text over to Word, or whatever… had to be “rewarded” with a peck on the cheek!

“Bravo… na se filiso!” she’d say all the time!

I knew I was in trouble so I had to think of something fast… :?

“Exehasa na sinafero oti oi gyneka mou einai filologos kai tha mborousen na kami proof-read to vivlio an thelis, alla den thimame di hreoni giauto…”

Problem solved! :wink:
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby CBBB » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:04 am

Nice story. Perhaps Milti will come along now and tell us about how arrived in the UK with sixpence in his pocket!
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby Get Real! » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:07 am

CBBB wrote:Nice story. Perhaps Milti will come along now and tell us about how arrived in the UK with sixpence in his pocket!

Part 2:

About 6 months later she rang me again to say that she wasn’t getting the hang of computers and that she’d rather pay for someone to type it all up for her, and if I could come over to erase all her stuff off the hard disk so that she could donate the computer to someone she had in mind.

So off I went again to her place and while cleaning up her files etc I thought I’d make some conversation so I said… “So how’s mom going?”

And she goes… “Went to see her this morning…”

And rather puzzled, I asked… “Did you put her in a home?”

And she replied… “No, the graveyard! Didn’t I mention she passed away?”

Oh shit… oh shit… :lol:


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PS: I’ve got many little stories like this one but if they’re not entertaining enough do let me know people.
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby DrCyprus » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:50 am

Your first story is good. Can't wait for the next one.
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby Get Real! » Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:02 am

Part 3: The abandoned trophies club.

First a little intro:

Back in the late 70s and the 80s many Scandinavian women discovered Cypriot beaches and just couldn’t get enough of them.

Besides the glorious sun and the delicious Med cuisine, many also found romance in the form of dark, hairy, and very horny Cypriot hunks eager to entertain the pretty blue-eyed blond ladies.

It was during this setting that some of our compatriots headed off to Scandinavian countries where they married off and formed families… some never to return, but for others (usually the wealthier) remaining in Cyprus with their gorgeous trophy wives was preferred.

End of intro… let’s begin the weird story:

The mobile phone rung… this time a 50 something lady speaking in English but with an obvious accent.

“My computer is funny… doesn’t listen… can you fix please? I need to send email my daughter in Sweden….”

Anyway, a few days later I arrive on the scene… a huge, once-gorgeous house… now rather run down… that house had seen better days! :?

The door opens and I’m greeted by a tall, lean, grey-blond female who struggled to put a smile together. I followed her upstairs into a bedroom where a computer sat on a desk in a corner.

She sat next to me while I was trying to clean up much of the junk that had accumulated in her system but I could no longer ignore her constant hinting that I take a look in her “My Pictures” folder to see if there were any problems there!

I wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary in that folder but I clicked on it anyway just to shut her up because she insisted… and lo and behold all these thumbnails of a gorgeous blond in bikinis and evening wear, and what have you... appeared.

She then insisted that I click to open one, and another, and then another… complaining that she had trouble opening them up earlier on.

After successfully opening 4-5 of these images I gradually realized that they were pictures of HER when she was younger and taken during happier times… a time when she looked pretty hot and no doubt would’ve qualified as a trophy wife.

I got the message loud and clear… she wanted me to see that at one time she was hot but as I contemplated her demise she suddenly goes in her weird accent…

“That is me when I was beautiful!”

…and burst out into tears! :shock:

And I was like…. “Oh shit, oh my God what do I do now???” :shock: :? :lol:

And as she sobbed away her head started tilting in my direction and I just knew that my shoulder was being called to duty.

I nervously put my hand around her and gently patted her back as she dropped her head fully onto my shoulder crying and I mumbled something stupid to her like… “Hang in there” or something not knowing what else to say! :lol:

Anyway, she soon regained her composure, apologized, asked me to go because she wasn’t feeling well and asked what she owed me but I said nothing don’t worry about it, and left.

As I drove away from the house I remember thinking…

“Oh God, what have I done to deserve this? I’m just trying to make an honest buck and all I ever get is this shit!” :? :lol:
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby CBBB » Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:35 am

Get Real! wrote:"Oh God, what have I done to deserve this? I’m just trying to make an honest buck and all I ever get is this shit!”[/i] :? :lol:


It would be understandable if you were even remotely handsome!
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby Get Real! » Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:54 am

CBBB wrote:
Get Real! wrote:"Oh God, what have I done to deserve this? I’m just trying to make an honest buck and all I ever get is this shit!”[/i] :? :lol:


It would be understandable if you were even remotely handsome!

:lol: She booked me without knowing what I looked like so I doubt looks had anything to do with it.

She basically rang a complete stranger looking for attention… I think anyone who spoke English and seemed trustworthy enough over the phone would’ve sufficed.

You’d be surprised how many abandoned women in their 40s and 50s are out there longing for attention… :?
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby Get Real! » Wed Mar 29, 2017 12:12 pm

I want to stress that these stories are only the memorable ones out of hundreds and hundreds of callouts spanning many years.

Incidents like these are extremely rare while the vast majority of callouts are uneventful so I don’t want anyone getting any funny ideas that all these bizarre things are happening to me very week or something!

The next story is rather kinky but I’ll write it tomorrow because I gotta go out.
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby Pyrpolizer » Wed Mar 29, 2017 12:24 pm

According to my son today these "misoskleres" pay young men huge money to have sex.
And there are plenty of them around
In the occupied it's a full time job for many...
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Re: The adventures of a techie.

Postby CBBB » Wed Mar 29, 2017 1:33 pm

Pyrpolizer wrote:According to my son today these "misoskleres" pay young men huge money to have sex.
And there are plenty of them around
In the occupied it's a full time job for many...


So your son is doing well, is he?
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