Cyprus The Man Test

psycho · advanced member

Ask yourself: Am I Gay?: 'The Man Test'

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming Homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and purrs to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, candy baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors, or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

IcyNoAngel · instructor

hi hi

made myself a regular coffee Laughing

Mills Chapman · instructor

Only 5 and 6 applied to me. Smile

Oracle · professor

Real men aren't obsessed about making tick-off lists to confirm their "manhood" ...... Laughing

webbo · professor

Bubbles x

pantheman · lecturer

Brilliant, have me in stitches, and oh, i really tliked this expression..... you're dying to tune a meat whistle...... Where the hell do people get these from ????

Nice one mate.