Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:27 pmKikapu wrote:Wife wants to buy special cloth to rub her tits with, because the add said that it would make tits get larger.
Husband says, "why don't you use toilet paper. Look what it did to your ass".
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Nominated as the world's best short joke
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:27 pm The Parrot
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:43 amA lady went into the pet shop and said “I want to buy a parrot.”
Pet shop owner says: “I only have this one and he costs 10 euros.”
Lady: “That’s very cheap.” (No, that’s not the joke!)
Lady: “Why isn’t the parrot more expensive?”
Pet shop owner: “That’s because he used to live in a brothel and uses bad language.”
Lady: “That’s okay, for 10 euros I’ll risk it.”
So she buys it and takes it home. When she takes the cover off the cage the parrot looks around and says: “Oh, nice clean place.”
The lady’s two daughters walk into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, nice clean girls.”
The lady’s husband walks into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, hello Keith.”
Pet shop owner says: “I only have this one and he costs 10 euros.”
Lady: “That’s very cheap.” (No, that’s not the joke!)
Lady: “Why isn’t the parrot more expensive?”
Pet shop owner: “That’s because he used to live in a brothel and uses bad language.”
Lady: “That’s okay, for 10 euros I’ll risk it.”
So she buys it and takes it home. When she takes the cover off the cage the parrot looks around and says: “Oh, nice clean place.”
The lady’s two daughters walk into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, nice clean girls.”
The lady’s husband walks into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, hello Keith.”
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:36 pmI still remember play time at school with fondness, a bit of footie, sneaking a quick cigarette, fingering girls behind the bike sheds..... I loved that caretakers job!
I brought my wife a pair of crouchless panties last week.... Nothing to do with a sexual nature, it's so she can get a better grip on her broom stick!
MGM are making a film about a Jamaican who ran a drugs empire from his bedroom..... It’s called Chocolate and the Charlie factory.....
Job Vacancy: Small black person wanted. Must be flexible and willing to travel
Job Description: Mud flap
Saw a Muslim fall into the Thames this morning and being the caring citizen I am I informed the emergency services. Its 6pm now and they still have not responded. I am starting to think I have wasted a 2nd class stamp.
A Woman answers the phone to a pervert and he breathes "Have to got a tight twat?" Yes she replies, he's on the couch do you want to speak to him?
Just brought the wife a solar powered vibrator.... Seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it will save me a fortune on batteries!
Cluedo has been ruined! In the spirit of political correctness they have added a black character! So now you know who's done it before you started!
I brought my wife a pair of crouchless panties last week.... Nothing to do with a sexual nature, it's so she can get a better grip on her broom stick!
MGM are making a film about a Jamaican who ran a drugs empire from his bedroom..... It’s called Chocolate and the Charlie factory.....
Job Vacancy: Small black person wanted. Must be flexible and willing to travel
Job Description: Mud flap
Saw a Muslim fall into the Thames this morning and being the caring citizen I am I informed the emergency services. Its 6pm now and they still have not responded. I am starting to think I have wasted a 2nd class stamp.
A Woman answers the phone to a pervert and he breathes "Have to got a tight twat?" Yes she replies, he's on the couch do you want to speak to him?
Just brought the wife a solar powered vibrator.... Seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it will save me a fortune on batteries!
Cluedo has been ruined! In the spirit of political correctness they have added a black character! So now you know who's done it before you started!
Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:38 amThere was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said:
"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about"?
He said, " Fucked if I know, I've never got this far before"
"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about"?
He said, " Fucked if I know, I've never got this far before"
Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:30 amWhat's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2lbs 4 oz (including the urn)
About 2lbs 4 oz (including the urn)
Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:57 amWhy are aspirins white?
Because they work
Because they work
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