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for all those people who have seen stand up comedy they will know the brave fellows watching heckle the comedians. just want to know what the best heckle they have heard and the response.

my personal favourite was - get off the stage your a wanker, nobody likes you did you not learn that from school.

another from Jongleurs was - Woman : speak up please where cant hear you talking crap at the back
Comedian - i dont come to your work and tell you how to give blow jobs so please dont tell me how to do my job.

Woman in audience - "Call that a haircut!?"

Comedian - "I suppose yours is? Is that peroxide blonde?"

Woman in audience - "Platinum."

Comedian - "Oh, I thought platinum was a precious metal, not a common ore."

cannedmoose wrote:Woman in audience - "Call that a haircut!?"

Comedian - "I suppose yours is? Is that peroxide blonde?"

Woman in audience - "Platinum."

Comedian - "Oh, I thought platinum was a precious metal, not a common ore."

sounds stage

The greatest orator of the twentieth century imho Sir Winston


woman to Churchill at public meeting.

"Sir, if you were my husband i would cook your dinner with poision"

Chuchill replied

"Madam, if i were your husband i'd eat it"

Another Churchill one:

A lady MP at a social function: "Winston, you are drunk and making a fool of yourself."

Winston: "Madam, you are fat and ugly, and I will be sober in the morning."