Cyprus-Forum.com

[Paphitis]

If the husband was truly happy and content, then he would not have 'strayed'. Maybe, there was something missing, which resulted in him looking for it somewhere else.

Are you serious?

What "man" has three kids and then decides something is "missing"?

Get a grip, Aussie. Obviously what was "missing" was common sense ....HIS!

And how clever was that of him to go looking for his "missing" thing back into a situation which could provide nothing more than he had at home anyway ... other than his "missing" brain cells or diminished Y-chromosome!

Listen, I don't know this girl, and I don't know anything about the guy, but I do believe that this guy must have been very desperate, and unhappy, perhaps even depressed to leave his 3 kids (and I am not excusing this) but perhaps a much more thorough picture is required for you or anyone else to be making any judgments on this man. If he was happy, and content, then he would not have left. Abandoning kids is indeed insane. I could never do that. But perhaps it was something else he wanted to abandon, and not the children! And perhaps, this girl is preventing him from seeing his children, or from being involved in their lives. A women scorned can be a very terrible beast, and a far more nastier piece of work that any man can be.

For me, alarm bells are ringing due to the fact that this woman is labeling this guy as the archetypal philanderer, but I suspect we have very little appreciation for the real story.

[apc2010]

It's something that happens all over the world. I think in Cyprus, GC women leave themselves vulnerable to losing 'hold' of, or the interest of their husbands because once they have children, their whole world and priorities change. The child becomes the centre of the universe for the typical GC mum, but the father all too often admires parenting from afar and hence is easy to bait by unscrupulous women (no cultural inferences here) with little else on their minds.

However, the children come first, and if a man strays .... you are better off without him.

Breaking the cycle: It's up to GC mums to brainwash their boys to respect women.

for once i may agree here,gc men do not always respect women, just look at the number of brothels (sorry artise clubs) here ,they are not used by tourists.It is almost an accepted night out for gcs..

[kurupetos]

It's something that happens all over the world. I think in Cyprus, GC women leave themselves vulnerable to losing 'hold' of, or the interest of their husbands because once they have children, their whole world and priorities change. The child becomes the centre of the universe for the typical GC mum, but the father all too often admires parenting from afar and hence is easy to bait by unscrupulous women (no cultural inferences here) with little else on their minds.

However, the children come first, and if a man strays .... you are better off without him.

Breaking the cycle: It's up to GC mums to brainwash their boys to respect women.

for once i may agree here,gc men do not always respect women, just look at the number of brothels (sorry artise clubs) here ,they are not used by tourists.It is almost an accepted night out for gcs..

Pass the address list please.

[avyixy]

To put things straight, something was missing on BOTH sides, my point is that the one that strayed was the male. I had decided long ago (even before I had my last child) that this was my life and he was my husband and I was going to see it through.

He on the other hand hit the big 4 0 and had hit crisis point. He suddenly decided that this was not enough and he needed to look elsewhere. He was actually depressed and needed some sort of help but would not accept the help which I could offer. He had started going to a barwoman (the first girlfriend) and actually told me that she was helping him through his problems, when I found out about the affair. Now you tell me how a sane man can compare a bulgarian barwoman to a psychiatrist or any other medical professional and how on earth she was helping him talk through his problems in a busy bar atmosphere???

As for the children, he can see them anytime he wants because he has moved in next door with his mother. Only, he chooses to ignore the 17 and 15 year old cause they were against him having an affair and are old enough to express their own opions. The 5 year old chooses to see his dad whenever he wants, all he has to do is run next door to his grans. The thing is that the child goes looking for his dad, not the other way round!!

The whole situation is very complex and anyway I don't need to justify anything to anyone, the point I am making is that all marriages have problems but when the world is full of easy women offering everything on a plate, temptation is too hard for most men to resist and leaving is the easy way out.

And as Oracle quite rightly says, lets wait and see, if he ends up living with the second girlfriend and her baby by another man, will everything become routine once again and will something be missing yet again. Will he stray again? Only time will tell.

[Oracle]

... A women scorned can be a very terrible beast, and a far more nastier piece of work that any man can be.

Really? What credible evidence do you base that on with all the statistics on domestic violence depicting how often women meet their maker at the hands of a male partner?

Or, are you going to tell us the "she must have deserved it" tale, again?

Keep proving how backward your Aussie-male judgements are Paphitis!

[Paphitis]

... A women scorned can be a very terrible beast, and a far more nastier piece of work that any man can be.

Really? What credible evidence do you base that on with all the statistics on domestic violence depicting how often women meet their maker at the hands of a male partner?

Or, are you going to tell us the "she must have deserved it" tale, again?

Keep proving how backward your Aussie-male judgements are Paphitis!

Listen, I don't know this girl, and I don't know anything about the guy, but I do believe that this guy must have been very desperate, and unhappy, perhaps even depressed to leave his 3 kids (and I am not excusing this) but perhaps a much more thorough picture is required for you or anyone else to be making any judgments on this man. If he was happy, and content, then he would not have left. Abandoning kids is indeed insane. I could never do that. But perhaps it was something else he wanted to abandon, and not the children! And perhaps, this girl is preventing him from seeing his children, or from being involved in their lives. A women scorned can be a very terrible beast, and a far more nastier piece of work that any man can be.

For me, alarm bells are ringing due to the fact that this woman is labeling this guy as the archetypal philanderer, but I suspect we have very little appreciation for the real story.

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I believe it is you that has been making judgments without knowing ALL the facts.

I haven't committed myself one way or the other!

Furthermore, I do not condone domestic violence, and I don't appreciate your racial innuendos and stereotypes!

[Paphitis]

To put things straight, something was missing on BOTH sides, my point is that the one that strayed was the male. I had decided long ago (even before I had my last child) that this was my life and he was my husband and I was going to see it through.

He on the other hand hit the big 4 0 and had hit crisis point. He suddenly decided that this was not enough and he needed to look elsewhere. He was actually depressed and needed some sort of help but would not accept the help which I could offer. He had started going to a barwoman (the first girlfriend) and actually told me that she was helping him through his problems, when I found out about the affair. Now you tell me how a sane man can compare a bulgarian barwoman to a psychiatrist or any other medical professional and how on earth she was helping him talk through his problems in a busy bar atmosphere???

As for the children, he can see them anytime he wants because he has moved in next door with his mother. Only, he chooses to ignore the 17 and 15 year old cause they were against him having an affair and are old enough to express their own opions. The 5 year old chooses to see his dad whenever he wants, all he has to do is run next door to his grans. The thing is that the child goes looking for his dad, not the other way round!!

The whole situation is very complex and anyway I don't need to justify anything to anyone, the point I am making is that all marriages have problems but when the world is full of easy women offering everything on a plate, temptation is too hard for most men to resist and leaving is the easy way out.

And as Oracle quite rightly says, lets wait and see, if he ends up living with the second girlfriend and her baby by another man, will everything become routine once again and will something be missing yet again. Will he stray again? Only time will tell.

It doesn't sound too good...

I hope you can find the way to work things out. If you love him, then maybe you can find a way to forgive him, and win him back.

I certainly hope it is salvageable, for your children's sake. No one knows the situation better than you, and I for one wish you all the best of luck.

[Svetlana]

I am sorry that people continue to perpetuate the stereotypecal view of Eastern European women.

The assertion that they 'use their looks' to gain advantage in life is irrelevant.
Let's look at analogies: I see many 20 year old Cypriot 'babes' driving X5 and big Audis - yes some worked for them, yes some had them through family money but most, I suspect , acquired them through well off husbands.

And what about men; I see ordinary looking Cypriot men (whom have many qualities now doubt) with towering blond eastern European beauties - many of these men have used their attributes (paid jobs and the opportunitity of Residency) to attract thier wives.

So do we not all use our attributes (be they interlect, personality, looks, wealth or any combination) to attract the most desriable partner (even if they do paint their faces blue and stab strange foods on St Andrew's Day:-) )

Lana

[Oracle]

Hey Lana, I didn't make any cultural inferences about men's weak-will (y) predilections.

But, I am insulted by your suggestion that he mistook me for a Haggis!

[yialousa1971]

If the husband was truly happy and content, then he would not have 'strayed'. Maybe, there was something missing, which resulted in him looking for it somewhere else.

You would make a good agony aunt, not!