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[SKI-preo]

In the north of Australia is a place called Queensland which is very hot, humid and the pubs are rough.

Anyway, this posh pommie (English) bloke is traveling through Queensland in the middle of summer by bicycle and is caught in a huge tropical storm. He sees a sign which says there is a pub 18 miles up the road. So he rides his bike to the pub and when he finally gets there his appearance resembles that of a drowned rat.

Anyway, the locals hardly even look up from their beers as he walks in, dripping wet, and heads up to the bar and orders a scotch on ice. The barman gives him the worst scotch he has ever tasted but the pommie drinks it down and asks the barman where the dunny (toilet) is. The barman tells him it is outside.

So the pommie trudges outside into the rain and all he can see in the rain is two big piles of shit, one much bigger than the other. So the pommie walks over to the smaller pile, relieved that someone had the sense to start a new pile since the larger one was clearly unmanageable.

He has his pants around his ankles and is in the process of relieving himself when a gunshot rings out and a bullet smacks into the heap just beside his head.

Well the poor pommie turns around, in a somewhat vulnerable position, and sees this huge Aussie guy standing at the door of the pub with his still smoking gun in his hand.

"What..What is going on?" Stammers the poor pommie.

The huge Aussie responds "Get the hell out of the Ladies you dirty bastard."



What do you call a Pom cricketer with a 100 next to his name? A bowler

Why are British prisons some of the "safest" in the world? Answer: There's no soap in the showers.

What have cricket bats and soap got in common? Answer: The poms have forgotten how to use either.

What is the definition of dry? A pommie bastard's bath mat

[YFred]

In the north of Australia is a place called Queensland which is very hot, humid and the pubs are rough.

Anyway, this posh pommie (English) bloke is traveling through Queensland in the middle of summer by bicycle and is caught in a huge tropical storm. He sees a sign which says there is a pub 18 miles up the road. So he rides his bike to the pub and when he finally gets there his appearance resembles that of a drowned rat.

Anyway, the locals hardly even look up from their beers as he walks in, dripping wet, and heads up to the bar and orders a scotch on ice. The barman gives him the worst scotch he has ever tasted but the pommie drinks it down and asks the barman where the dunny (toilet) is. The barman tells him it is outside.

So the pommie trudges outside into the rain and all he can see in the rain is two big piles of shit, one much bigger than the other. So the pommie walks over to the smaller pile, relieved that someone had the sense to start a new pile since the larger one was clearly unmanageable.

He has his pants around his ankles and is in the process of relieving himself when a gunshot rings out and a bullet smacks into the heap just beside his head.

Well the poor pommie turns around, in a somewhat vulnerable position, and sees this huge Aussie guy standing at the door of the pub with his still smoking gun in his hand.

"What..What is going on?" Stammers the poor pommie.

The huge Aussie responds "Get the hell out of the Ladies you dirty bastard."



What do you call a Pom cricketer with a 100 next to his name? A bowler

Why are British prisons some of the "safest" in the world? Answer: There's no soap in the showers.

What have cricket bats and soap got in common? Answer: The poms have forgotten how to use either.

What is the definition of dry? A pommie bastard's bath mat

Kindly stop joking about where Puffidobullo lives please, he will not take it lying down, down under and all that.

[Cap]

Lol and i thought wogs and anglo's were united in multicultural harmony down under.

[AWE]

What is the difference between an Australian and a New Zealander?





The New Zealander has a chip on both shoulders!

[fig head]

well ! at least Australians have much sexier accent than brits..

dont ask me why coz i dont know, mmm may be because all australian guys look lke whats his name from xmen !

[SKI-preo]

How can you tell when a British Airways jet has landed at Kingsford-Smith (Sydney Airport)?
The jet's engines were switched off 15 minutes ago and yet you can still hear the whining.

[SKI-preo]

What's a pommie bastard's favourite drink?
Its a toss up between warm flat beer or Whine!

[SKI-preo]

Sydney Heat by a whinging Pommie bastard

*August 31st*

*Just got transferred with work into our new home in Sydney, NSW now this is a City that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.*

*September 13th:*

*Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.*

*September 30th:*

*Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.*

*October 10th*

*The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s kind of breezy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected

*October 15th:*

*Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.*

*October 20th:*

*I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat s***. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.*

*October 25th:*

*The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin' blow dryer!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.*

*October 30th:*

*Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?*

*November 4th:*

*It’s 38 degrees. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it’s about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid friggin place.** *

*November 8th:*

*If another wise arse cracks, “Hot enough for you today?â€￾ I’m going to throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the car’s radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!*

*November 9th:*

*Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my fuckin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.*

*November 10th:*

*The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fuckin sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the pool. Even the palms can’t live in this heat.*

*November 14th:*

*Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?â€￾ My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of prison for assaulting the stupid nut job. Fuck Australia! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?*

*December 1st:*

*WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are kidding!!*

[SKI-preo]

Q: Where do Poms hide their cash?
A: Under the soap.

[SKI-preo]

Q - How many Pommie cricketers can you fit into a mini minor
A - The whole team, their collapsable

Q - What do you call a Pommie with two wooden legs
A - A waste of good wood

Q - Why do you only give a Pommie a half hour for lunch
A - Any longer, they would need retraining