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Nominated as the world's best short joke

We all need a good laugh.

Postby insan » Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:27 pm

Kikapu wrote:Wife wants to buy special cloth to rub her tits with, because the add said that it would make tits get larger.:D

Husband says, "why don't you use toilet paper. Look what it did to your ass". :lol:
:lol: :lol:
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The Parrot

Postby merrytraveller » Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:43 am

A lady went into the pet shop and said “I want to buy a parrot.”
Pet shop owner says: “I only have this one and he costs 10 euros.”
Lady: “That’s very cheap.” (No, that’s not the joke!)
Lady: “Why isn’t the parrot more expensive?”
Pet shop owner: “That’s because he used to live in a brothel and uses bad language.”
Lady: “That’s okay, for 10 euros I’ll risk it.”
So she buys it and takes it home. When she takes the cover off the cage the parrot looks around and says: “Oh, nice clean place.”
The lady’s two daughters walk into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, nice clean girls.”
The lady’s husband walks into the room. The parrot says: “Oh, hello Keith.”
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Postby cyprusgrump » Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:36 pm

I still remember play time at school with fondness, a bit of footie, sneaking a quick cigarette, fingering girls behind the bike sheds..... I loved that caretakers job!

I brought my wife a pair of crouchless panties last week.... Nothing to do with a sexual nature, it's so she can get a better grip on her broom stick!

MGM are making a film about a Jamaican who ran a drugs empire from his bedroom..... It’s called Chocolate and the Charlie factory.....

Job Vacancy: Small black person wanted. Must be flexible and willing to travel
Job Description: Mud flap

Saw a Muslim fall into the Thames this morning and being the caring citizen I am I informed the emergency services. Its 6pm now and they still have not responded. I am starting to think I have wasted a 2nd class stamp.

A Woman answers the phone to a pervert and he breathes "Have to got a tight twat?" Yes she replies, he's on the couch do you want to speak to him?

Just brought the wife a solar powered vibrator.... Seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it will save me a fortune on batteries!

Cluedo has been ruined! In the spirit of political correctness they have added a black character! So now you know who's done it before you started!
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Postby CBBB » Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:38 am

There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said:

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about"?

He said, " Fucked if I know, I've never got this far before"
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Postby merrytraveller » Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:30 am

What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2lbs 4 oz (including the urn)
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Postby psycho » Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:57 am

Why are aspirins white?
Because they work
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