The Best Cyprus Community

Skip to content


The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

We all need a good laugh.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby yialousa1971 » Sat Dec 24, 2011 10:54 pm

Are the Elders anything to do with the "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion". Image
User avatar
yialousa1971
Main Contributor
Main Contributor
 
Posts: 6183
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2008 2:55 pm
Location: With my friends on the Cyprus forum

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:12 pm

yialousa1971 wrote:Are the Elders anything to do with the "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion". Image



Absolutely NOT my friend, in fact, if one were to regard 'The Brotherhood' as a 'Microcosm' of the wider world, one would be forced to conclude that the only fair comparison to 'The protocols of the Elders of Zion' (whether that literature be fact or fiction), would be to judge the 'Elders' and those that are members of 'The Brotherhood' at every level, as complete opposites to those who envisage 'World Domination'.

The very fact that the ulterior motives of 'Isaac Koch' and the unsavoury manner in which he sought to achieve them led to his own destruction, could be seen (in an ideal world) as a 'Portent of Doom' for any movement (or Nation) with ambitions toward 'World Domination'.

Unfortunately, the world we live in today is FAR removed from an ideal one, we are daily subjected to the news of 'Man's inhumanity to Man' and the awful actions that attend them YET, in many instances, a seemingly blind acceptance of such actions by the masses, merely further encourages the perpetrators of evils which, as individuals, we would ALL condemn.

Not so in the society of 'The Brotherhood', where TRUTH and HONESTY are the fundamental principles of it's membership, the 'Tenets' of which being the ONLY ones fit for a 'World Domination' which could NEVER come to fruition whilst influenced by the actions of those who practise otherwise. (imho) :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:07 am

"Oh my God", terrible news folks, it has just been announced that a 'Yarmulke' has been washed up on the banks of the 'River Thames' in the 'Richmond' area.

To those who may not be aware of what such an article IS, I feel obliged to inform you that it is a 'Skullcap' worn by those of the Jewish faith and is usually held in place by a couple of hair-clips by some wearers.

The reason for why I commence this news with the exclamation of "Oh my God" is easily explained, you see, embroidered on the inside is the name 'Emanual Snitzmandorf' together with a telephone number and details of the 'Blood Group' of the owner.

Such precautions may seem to be a little excessive in terms of value BUT, when one considers the nature of the owner, one can well understand the significance of such devotion to detail, yes folks, the owner is none other than 'Isaac Koch' (the recently departed).

Ordinarily such a find would not create too much interest, indeed, if one were to discover such an article in such a place, one would hardly give it a second glance, Ah, but the laws of 'Chance' and 'Coincidence' are so often the downfall of even the most carefully planned enterprises and, in THIS case, both have apparently united in presenting the 'River Police' with something of a problem.

A young Jewish boy found the 'Yarmulke' embedded in the mud and presented it to his Mother, she took it home with her and washed it and whilst doing so noticed the embroidered information.

She telephoned the number and was quite shocked to learn that 'Emanual Snitzmandorf' had been reported as a missing person by his local 'Rabbi' who had not seen him for quite some time.

The 'Rabbi' informed the 'River Police' and they are now discussing the possibility of 'Emanual Snitzmandorf' having leapt from a bridge upriver as a 'Suicide' OR (more sinisterly) being thrown over a bridge by 'Drug Dealers' or some other undesirables.

They are in the process of carrying out some preliminary 'Forensic Tests' and studying the 'Tide Movements' for the past few weeks, there is talk of 'Dredgers' and 'Frogmen' in the 'River Police Canteens', the 'Good Lord' only knows what the outcome might be.

Just another example in life of how it so often happens that one's 'Goodness' and Kindness' to one's fellow man, can be detrimental to one's own safety and well being since, 'Isaac Koch' did BEG 'Jimmy Light' to allow him the dignity of wearing his 'Kippah' (which is the Yiddish equivalent of 'Yarmulke') which request Jimmy granted whilst laughingly remarking, "Kippa?, c'or blimey mate, yer'll be in wiv tha bleedin' Kippa's yer bleedin' self in a bit".

Such a small act of 'Kindness' on Jimmy's part, truly a most considerate man, I really must make haste to inform him of these latest developments, I am sure he will be most annoyed, I will let you know. :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:05 am

"The Scammer's Ring"

Beware of this one folks!, in my quest to locate 'Jimmy Light' for the sole purpose of informing him of the latest information regarding the discovery of 'Isaac's' water sodden 'Yarmulke', I was proceeding along the 'Strand' towards 'Trafalgar Square' in the hope of encountering one of his associates who might be able to direct me to his current whereabouts.

Now usually, I can locate him very easily since I am well acquainted with his usual 'Haunts' BUT, it would appear that recently he has not been seen quite so often and naturally I, being a close friend, was rather concerned about him.

Ordinarily, I would either contact him by visiting whichever premises he would be occupying (he invariably kept me informed) or else by phone (unobtainable at the moment) however, the search of these past few days has been fruitless and I resolved to concentrate my efforts to find him by actually seeking him in various of the territories which I know he so often frequents.

Other than actually 'Seeing' him, there would be little use in asking any of his associates (unless personally known) of 'Jimmy's' whereabouts in any case, for such is the 'Code' among them all, one would have to be subjected to a great deal of scrutiny and searching enquiry before ANY information would be forthcoming, nonetheless I was committed to my task and was prepared to act accordingly.

I was walking a short distance behind a gentleman and was in the process of casting my glance ahead of him in the hope of spotting a familiar face when I was treated to a 'Ringside View' of quite an amusing event, a chap that was a short distance in front of the gentleman, suddenly stooped into the gutter and appeared to pick up an article, he held it in front of him and turning to the gentleman said "Oh, look at what I've just found in the gutter, it's a heavy 'Gold Ring', it looks as though it has been run over by a few cars but I think it must be worth quite a bit as scrap".

He had the gentleman's attention (and mine) and he then said "I can see that it is hall-marked inside, even though it is very scratchy, I wonder how much it is worth ?" and he placed the ring into the gentleman's hand in order that he might appreciate the weight.

I stood quite bemused as the gentleman performed the necessary motion with his hand in order that he too might assess the value of the ring and then, quite amazingly, he undone the buttons of his coat with his left hand, spread the fingers of his right and, with his index finger forming a circle with the contact of his thumb, dipped into his waistcoat pocket and produced a 'Jeweller's Eyeglass!'. :o

Removing his spectacles and expertly nestling the 'Eyeglass' in place of them, he studied the ring briefly and said "Not Gold", returned it to the chap who found it and replaced his spectacles.

"Well I'll be dogged" said the chap, "Just my luck to meet up with a Jeweller, I was hoping for at least a few quid for that ring".

"Oh I'm not a Jeweller my boy" replied the gentleman, "I'm Jewish and with the price of 'Gold' as it is today, anyone with ANY sense carries an 'Eyeglass', you never know WHAT you may find laying about" and with just a slight shrug of his shoulders, the gentleman departed.

MY luck was in however, I immediately recognised that THIS chap was very likely to be 'In the Know' and after a few words of introduction, I was able to convey a message through him which he assures me will reach my old pal 'Jimmy', hopefully I will be in touch with him in a day or so, meanwhile, I am going to direct my efforts toward a mission of discovery, there is much to learn of whatever progress may have been made regarding the disappearance of 'Emanuel Snitzmandorf' (aka) 'Isaac Koch'.

As 'Sir Winston Churchill' once famously said "If you find you are in Hell, keep going!". :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby kurupetos » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:00 pm

Thank you for the new chapters S.

More relief in the WC. :D
User avatar
kurupetos
Leading Contributor
Leading Contributor
 
Posts: 18843
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:46 pm
Location: Cyprus

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:22 pm

"Seek and ye may find"

In the area of 'Finchley' in North London, there is a road named 'The Drive' and it is inhabited by a great number of 'Jewish' householders, the houses are very well kept and the locality is seldom short of evidence which would suggest that a certain amount of 'Building Work' is in progress.

Our attention is drawn to a particular house (I will not reveal the number) which has a 'Builder's Skip' on the paved driveway and the lack of contents suggests that it has not been there very long, if it had, then it would have received some unwanted rubbish (from other premises) stealthily placed in the dead of night.

It is in THIS location that many young enterprising and enthusiastic tradesmen, seeking to establish their own 'Niche' in the business world, often find themselves in situations which (on a much smaller scale) could be compared to the period of exposure suffered by 'Moses' when he found himself expelled from Egypt.

It is almost as if the young 'Tradesman' is obliged to suffer the consequences of trying to survive under the pressures of a 'Self Imposed' act of slavery, before realising that the prospect of earning a decent living is far more likely elsewhere BUT, unfortunately there are so many 'Up and Coming' young trades persons about these days, the source of 'Cheap Labour' (particularly during these harder times) is almost inexhaustible.

The house we are about to enter is a three bed-roomed semi detached property, it has bowed windows on the front elevation (fully double glazed) and is quite well decorated throughout, the front of the house is painted white on the upper section of roughcast cement finish whilst below, the brickwork has received a coating of 'Red Tile' paint with the pointing picked out in 'Black', altogether quite pleasant to look at BUT, probably a source of much heartache to the poor individual who was forced to run the gauntlet of the owner's visions of perfection before the job was completed, even more before payment.

The first thing noticeable upon entering the premises, is the actual lack of 'Tradesmen' (in this case) for there are about five or six elderly 'Jewish' persons scattered throughout the house, each intent upon searching for something, there are two of them in the lounge area lifting floorboards, another of them is struggling to empty the contents of whatever articles are stored in the cupboard under the stairs and yet another upstairs also lifting floorboards.

There is a chap in the garden area at the rear of the premises, he has gone through the shed and is now looking to see if there is evidence of any visible disturbances in the borders of the garden, perhaps a flowerpot or garden ornament and it is whilst all this industry is in progress, the 'Rabbi' arrives on the scene, carefully acknowledging the interest of the neighbours (peeping through the curtains on both sides and opposite the house) he lovingly touches the 'Mezuzah' on the jamb of the entrance door and enters quite quickly, he closes the door behind him and announces his presence.

Those that are busily occupied, cease their labours and gather in the lounge, they have nothing to report and are quite alarmed when the 'Rabbi' informs them that the 'Police' are likely to visit the premises at any moment, he informs them that it is imperative that they should concoct a suitable excuse for being in the premises, after all, they had forced an entry and were actually breaking the law by being there.

It was only by good fortune that the 'Rabbi' was able to warn them of an imminent 'Police Investigation' since he had received a call from one of the closest neighbours that "Something is going on at the house of 'Emmanuel Snitzmandorf' and 'Manny' never told us about it, I think I should call the Police!".

Thus it was that soon after, the 'Police' duly arrived, they were greatly concerned to observe the damages done to the property BUT, the 'Rabbi' assured them that he had received permission from 'Emanuel Snitzmandorf' weeks prior,to enter his property and inspect it for 'Infestation' since he was sure he had seen a 'Rat' in the kitchen and was fearful of returning to reside there, as to the signs of drawers and cupboards being searched, the 'Rabbi' indicated that they were in fact searching for 'Manny's Keys', he even asked if the Police were in possession of them (which was something of an error in judgement since the search for 'Emmanuel Snitzmandorf' was still in progress) but fortunately was overlooked, probably due to the fact that the 'Officer' did not doubt the integrity of the 'Rabbi'.

"We are going to make the house nice and comfortable for when 'Manny' returns" said the 'Rabbi', "We did not want to engage builders, they might tear the place to pieces and do more harm than good, we want to HELP 'Manny', he is a good man and we think a lot of him".

The 'Police Officer' was satisfied that all was in order, he actually complimented the 'Rabbi' for the manner in which "You people certainly demonstrate how much you care for each other's welfare, such a pity that there are not more like you, it would make OUR job so much easier", then, taking his leave, he left.

He might not have held the same opinion had he been a 'Fly on the Wall' immediately AFTER his departure.

"Did anyone find anything?" asked the 'Rabbi' "He MUST have had something which might give us a clue as to where it is hidden, he was such a sneaky little bastard, he was dealing with 'Gold' for as long as I have known him, THINK about it, he must have a fortune stashed somewhere, if only we could find his keys, he might have 'Lock Up' or a 'Safety Deposit Box', there MUST be a clue in the house somewhere, rip the house to pieces, we can always claim that the damage was done by 'Vandals' or 'Anti-Semites', the 'Police' did not take an inventory and we can claim on the insurance later!".

And so folks, whilst the 'Rabbi' and his 'Rabble' are busy 'Rooting', I will continue in my quest to find 'Jimmy'. :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:41 pm

"The Best Laid Plans"

"Of all the trades in England, sure now 'Begging is the best,
for when a 'Beggar' is weary, he can lay him down to rest,
so 'A'begging I will go my boy A'begging' I will go".

And with these words (taken from an old Irish song) I will now invite you able folks to contradict the good humour in such a philosophy.

When one embarks upon an enterprise to break the law, a certain amount of forward planning is essential since the obvious objective is to escape the consequences of whatever unlawful action one envisages.

Generally speaking (and I must point out that I do not refer to 'Small' crimes which are often the result of a simple mistake or an avoidance of payment for parking) the 'Weakness' of the planning is often to be found in the numbers of those who may be engaged in the enterprise, the 'Weak Link' in the 'Chain of Command'.

Second to 'Begging', the next in line might easily be 'Burglary' since, providing the 'Burglar' takes a few small precautions (gloves, modus operandi, disguise, etc) there is little chance of arrest, which possibly explains why the 'Insurance Premiums' are so high when one wishes to insure one's property.

Larger and more dangerous crimes are a different 'Kettle of Fish' however, the perpetrators are usually far more cautious in selecting their objectives and those who will unite in achieving them, the 'Trust' amongst them is of paramount importance and herein lies the danger of allowing a 'Weak Link' to also partake.

Now 'Jimmy Light' (and those of 'The Brotherhood') are particularly aware of the 'Criteria' necessary to carry out actions which merely 'Skirt' the boundaries of the 'Law' without actually falling foul of them, thus they are successful, resourceful and absolutely 'Squeaky Clean' in terms of their position subsequent to 'Taking the Oath' as members of 'The Brotherhood' (whatever they did 'Prior' to becoming a member being of no consequence).

The manner in which 'Isaac Koch' was dispatched, coupled with the preliminary actions which led to it, are absolutely 'Faultless' in terms of ensuring that there are no 'Weak Links' and 'Jimmy' is worthy of a great deal of praise for the ingenuity of his 'Plan', however, even though there is NO possibility of any one 'Elder' being able to identify his counterparts, 'Jimmy DID make an error in judgement, an error which may lead to the discovery of 'Isaac's' remains but hardly likely to reveal the identities of those responsible for disposing of him in such a fashion.

The 'Depth' of the 'River Thames' which was selected as an appropriate location, given that a certain flair for the traditional dispatch of 'Traitors' (by the Tudors) is not nearly as deep as other parts of the great river, in fact, at the location selected by 'Jimmy', it is quite shallow (varying between approx 2 meters and 7 meters subject to the tides) the 'Murkiness' of the water being the only real chance of concealment.

However, since one can assume that the 'River Police' and 'Forensic Scientists' have a thorough knowledge of 'Old Father Thames', I think we can be sure that it is only a matter of time before 'Isaac' IS found.

'Jimmy' has definitely 'Gone to Ground', even the chap I encountered in 'The Strand' has been unable to locate him and I am sure his absence is of great concern since the 'Easter Meeting' is fast approaching and his presence is of the utmost importance, I do wonder if it is possible that 'Isaac Koch' (during his lifetime) made mention of 'Jimmy Light' and 'The Brotherhood' to any of his Jewish associates, if so, bearing in mind that the 'Success' of the organisation might have attracted a little more interest than is healthy for it, our poor 'Jimmy' may even be in the clutches of those 'Associates', if he IS, the fate of 'Isaac' might be one to be envied since there is no doubt that the Jews are any one's equal when it comes to matters of deception and exploitation.

Tonight, I will do something which I have not done for a considerable time, I will 'Pray' for my old friend. :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Sun Mar 11, 2012 2:59 am

"The Brainteaser"

Back in the house at 'The Drive', the floorboards have been disturbed in every room, the carpets will all have to be re-laid (if and when 'Isaac' returns) and a great feeling of despondency has spread among the band of those who have scrutinised every nook and cranny, from the loft to the garden shed, not a draw or cupboard throughout the house has escaped the probing of the searching fingers or the eager raking of the prying eyes.

The 'Rabbi' entered the small room which is situated above the front door of the premises (the third bedroom converted into the semblance of an office) he removed his thick glasses in order to clear them of the mist which had formed over the lenses due to the sweat of his exertions, he gazed at the long desk which was in fact a grey length of 'Kitchen Worktop' carefully fitted across the window wall stretching across the entire room, it was firmly supported by three white self assembly '3 Drawer Units' and a flash of inspiration came to him, he called for some assistance and with some difficulty, removed the entire bottom drawer from each of the units, to his delight, he found a Ledger!, "Ah" he exclaimed "At last we may have found something here, go to ALL the other units in the rooms and see if you can do the same there, we searched inside the drawers BUT, what might we find hidden UNDER them ?"

His instruction was carried out immediately with great enthusiasm but alas, other than a heap of dust and a few small items, nothing else came to light.

The 'Ledger' was to prove more of an 'Antagonist' to it's discoverers than the proverbial 'Carrot' dangling in front of the Donkey's nose, it was obviously a source of much information BUT, old 'Isaac' (being the 'Crafty little Bastard' the Rabbi had said he was) had resorted to the use of a strange 'Code' in every page, what made the discovery of the 'Ledger' even more tantalising, was the fact that the actual sums of 'Money' entered at the bottom of each page (or the references to 'Value'), were NOT in 'Code' and the totals throughout the 'Ledger' exceeded £3.000.000 (Three Million Pounds) yet gave no indication as to where such sums of money (or articles of value) were secreted.

On the very last page of the 'Ledger' were two columns of figures, atop the first was another (what they imagined to be) 'Coded' word 'Xρυσός' and atop the second of them 'Aσήμι', at the bottom of these columns were other entries of large sums of 'Money', they did not tally with the other £3.000.000 and might even be additional to them, "It's 'Plotzing' and aggravating" said the 'Rabbi', "The mind boggles, why all the 'Codes'?, I can't make head or tail of it, it looks as if 'Manny' was trying to copy the 'Egyptians' with their 'Hieroglyphics' it could drive you nuts trying to work it all out BUT, if the 'Monies' can be found, who's worried about a spell in the 'Mashugana House' ?".

At that very moment, a 'Police Car' drew up outside the house and two 'Officers' made their way up the pathway and knocked on the door, the 'Rabbi' had seen them arrive and three of the old Jews shot up into the loft like 'Rats up a Drainpipe', another bolted up the garden and hid in the shed which left the 'Rabbi' to descend the stairs and answer the door to them, he carefully placed the 'Ledger' in the cupboard under the stairs before he opened the door.

"Oh good afternoon Sirs" said the 'Rabbi' "Are you the same gentlemen who came to see us before?, we still haven't heard from 'Emannuel' and I was just in the house checking to see how the work was progressing, I was just about to leave as I have a service to perform shortly, how may I help?".

"For a start" replied one of the 'Officers' "You might explain WHY you asked if we had found the keys belonging to the owner of these premises,it would also be quite helpful if you could explain WHY one of your associates bolted up the garden path as we arrived, we have had the property under surveillance you see, one of the neighbours contacted us yesterday and alleged that something suspicious was going on and we are here to find out if there is any truth in such allegations"

"Suspicious?" replied the 'Rabbi', visibly shaken, "I assure you Sirs, we are here to make the place ready for 'Manny's' return, even though we have not heard from him for a few weeks, we are sure he is alright, he might even have left the country for a break, he has a lot of friends in Israel and often visits, maybe I can find out for you if you give me a couple of days".

"As the owner of this property is listed as a 'Missing Person', we are not going to press you for a statement at this point BUT, we DO feel obliged to make a search of the premises in order to ascertain that there is no reason to suspect foul play here", the 'Officers' thrust past the 'Rabbi' and quickly looked over the house, they did not bother to inspect the loft area but did venture to the 'Garden Shed' where they found the old Jew pretending to be taking a nap.

"All the noise in the house" he said, such a shemozzle, I just had to get out of it" and the 'Officers' smiled at each other, it was obvious that the old boy was up to something but, the 'Frighteners' were now on and there was little to suggest that he was a villain.

"Why have all the drawers been taken out from the bases of the units?" asked the 'Officer' and, quick as a flash the 'Rabbi' replied "When you are searching for 'Rats', you have to look everywhere for signs of them, we haven't found any and the job of putting everything back in place will start in the morning".

"O.K. Sir" said the 'Officer' "You may get on about your business now, we WILL be keeping our eye on the place and will probably need to see you again later, good luck with your search, I hope you find what you are looking for" and with that comment, the two 'Officers' left, grinning to each other as they got into their car.

"They KNOW something!" said the 'Rabbi' "We will have to be extra careful and put everything back as it was, we will have to engage a builder and pay him because the 'Police' have now seen the state of the place, this whole business is a nightmare, we MUST crack the 'Code' and find the goods, otherwise I can see it costing us an 'Arm and a Leg', I'll take the 'Ledger' and see if I can make some sense of it, you boys can put back as much as you can and I will get in touch with a builder who is looking for work, leave THAT to me, I have someone in mind already", and with a breathless gasp, the 'Rabbi' quickly retrieved the 'Ledger', held it close to his chest under his long coat and scuttled off towards his car, mumbling to himself as he went.

As soon as he arrived at his own house, he began phoning around and located a young 'Greek Carpenter' who lived nearby, he asked if he could come to see him immediately and young 'Chris' duly obliged.

The 'Rabbi' asked 'Chris' to sign a piece of paper indicating that he would undertake the contract of repair at the daily rate of £100.00 (cash in the hand) BUT, not to take more than two days to complete, "I don't want that you should make a 'Mountain out of a Molehill', if you do me a good job, I will find you plenty of work" said the 'Rabbi' and, offering 'Chris' the paper to sign, added "Please print your name across the bottom after you sign".

'Chris' signed his name but explained that he could not print in English, he asked if it would be alright to print in Greek and the 'Rabbi' laughed saying "You can print it in Japanese for all I care, just as long as it is your name.

'Chris then printed his name in Greek under the watchful eye of the 'Rabbi' 'Χριστόφορος', he did not get the chance to print his surname, the 'Rabbi' tore the paper from his hand and wide-eyed gazed at it, "My God!" he exclaimed, "That's IT!", then, producing the ledger and opening it at the last page, he pointed to the two words 'χρυσός' and 'ασήμι' and asked 'Chris if he knew what they said. "But of course" said 'Chris', "Gold and Silver" and the 'Rabbi' fell back in his chair as if he had been struck by lightning.

He showed 'Chris' to the door and relaxed in his comfy armchair, he fell asleep dreaming of 'Gold and Silver' coins trickling through his fingers, of vast sums of cash cascading down from the heavens, of monuments in memory of him when his days are done, sublime dreams, typical Jewish dreams which made his heart sing BUT, wakening with a start, he realised that his dreams could not come true if (1) He had to SHARE the money ("Easy, I could say the 'Police' took it from me and won't give it back") and more importantly (2) He could not 'Decode' the messages and therefore not find the stash ("A curse upon that sneaky little Bastard 'Emannuel Snitzmandorf', all these years I've known him and he wouldn't trust me with his secret, did he think he was going to live forever, am I not to be trusted, he should have confided in me in case anything should happen to him, what has he left ? a problem".

Then, sinking back into his armchair, the 'Rabbi' fell into a fitful slumber, he usually twitched a bit but tonight, he will twitch till the 'Cows come Home'. :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby Schnauzer » Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:35 pm

"THIS Carpenter did not suffer"



'Chris duly arrived for work at the appointed time, eager to please the 'Rabbi' and to initially impress him with his punctuality, it was five minutes to eight and he was a few minutes early,he went to the front door intent on ringing the bell and noticed the there was a small wedge of paper jammed in a position where the striking plate of the 'Lock should be, he applied a little pressure to the door and it swung open.

Not wishing to enter unannounced, 'Chris' called out to attract the attention of any person that might be within but received no reply, he decided that it would be improper to enter the house without being invited and opted instead to sit in his small van and await the arrival of the 'Rabbi' who duly arrived a half hour later.

"How long have you been waiting here?" enquired the 'Rabbi' "Since five minutes to eight Sir" replied 'Chris', "I did no want to go inside the house without you being here, I think maybe somebody might be sleeping inside and I no like to upset them in case they do no know me, the door she was open a littly bit and was only close with some papers there" ('Chris' SPOKEN English is a little shaky but quite understandable, his 'Character' however is that of a wholly honest and straightforward man, his ability as a 'Tradesman' is beyond question, in fact he is a 'Cabinet Maker' rather than 'Carpenter and the type of work he now means to undertake is 'Oceans Apart' from his true capabilities, were it not for the fact that he had met the 'Rabbi' a week previously when he was in a 'Tool Shop' purchasing an 'Electric Drill','Chris' would have sought employment with a 'Furniture Manufacturer' or some such similar business operation.

His encounter with the 'Rabbi' on that fateful day was the sole reason for his change of plans, the 'Rabbi' encouraged him to start up his own enterprise, he advised 'Chris' to place an advert in 'The Jewish Chronicle'(actually helped him to do it) and filled 'Chris' mind with such tales of success awaiting him, the poor chap was bound to be 'Snared' like a Rabbit.

"You should have gone in and started work!" snapped the 'Rabbi' "you have already wasted half an hour and time is money I am expecting visitors here later today and I don't want that they should have to sit among a load of mess, get started in the 'Through Lounge', most of the work is in there and That's where I want them to be comfortable, the door was left open so that you could get on with the job, you could have had a lot done by now if you had not wasted time!" and with those words, the 'Rabbi' ascended the stairs to the small office, where he would spend the day perusing the contents of the 'Ledger'.

Poor 'Chris', quite unknown to him he had just received his first introduction into the world of 'Peanuts and Promises', a world which, if he did not 'Pull Out' would ensure that the path of his life from that day forth would lead him into the land (mentioned previously) of dejection and suffering similar to the 'Tribulations of Moses when he was expelled from Egypt) BUT, even though on a lesser scale, might not end quite so joyfully.

Standing at the door to the 'Through Lounge', 'Chris' made a mental note of the procedure necessary to complete the task set for him, he observed the fact that the carpet and underlay were rolled up and that the resulting bulk of it was in the 'Bay Area' of the room, he quickly decided that the best plan of attack was to nail down whatever flooring he could get at, move the furniture out of the room, nail down the rest of the flooring and re-lay the carpet, he geared himself up and set to it with enthusiasm.

As he was in the process of nailing the floor, a thought came to his mind,he wondered WHY the floorboards had been lifted in the first place, there was no evidence of 'Cables' or Pipes' being laid under the floor and his attention was drawn to a 'Flashlight' that was on the 'Window Sill' in the 'Bay', he took the 'Flashlight and had a look under the floors himself and could see no reason for them being lifted, he dismissed his thoughts and continued nailing with some alacrity.

Within two hours, 'Chris' had managed to arrive at the stage where he could parge around the edge of the carpet, ensuring that it was stretched and firmly fitted to the 'Smooth-edge' which skirted the perimeter of the room, another two hours saw the job completed, the furniture arranged and 'Chris' in the kitchen with a cup of tea and his lunch of 'Bread, Cheese and Spring Onions', he had asked the 'Rabbi' if it was in order for him to take such a break and had even made the 'Rabbi' a cup of coffee.

"You have done well my boy" said the 'Rabbi', "It looks as though the job is not as big as WE thought it would be, if you work on a bit late, you might even be able to finish everything today, I am going to tell all my friends about you, you will get plenty of work, I'll see to it, don't worry",and leaving 'Chris' standing in the hallway, the 'Rabbi' made his way back up the stairs to the little room which was occupying so much of his time.

'Chris now set about the task of nailing down the floor in the hallway, a relatively simple job which merely took him about twenty minutes, the carpet was also quite easily re-laid and he now climbed the stairs and stood in the rear bedroom, all the wardrobes were fitted, there was not much work in there and he suddenly realised that there were no visitors, that his industry was going to cost him a day's pay and that the 'Rabbi' was taking advantage of his good nature, he looked into the second bedroom at the front of the house and observed that it was equally easy to finish off, he then went to the small room where the 'Rabbi' was seated and asked where he would like him to start first, "Oh, anywhere you like, as long as you hurry up, I have got some urgent business to attend to later today!", 'chris then asked if he knew why the floorboards had been taken up, there did not seem to be any reason for it, "That's none of your business!" retorted the 'Rabbi', "You are being paid to do a job NOT ask questions, you are wasting MORE of MY time by standing around doing nothing,start where you like but for God's sake, hurry it up!".

'Chris' got on with the job and the 'Rabbi' got up and went downstairs, he walked into the 'Through Lounge' and inspected the job, he saw the 'Flashlight' on the 'Window Cill' and went to retrieve it, as he did so, he felt a loose board under his feet and rocked from side to side, "Chris!" he call out, "You did not nail down the floor properly, I want that you should come down here and put the job right, the floor is creaking and it is NOT acceptable!".

Poor Poor 'Chris', how much more torment will he expose himself to? BUT, being a person who is dedicated to his work, he came down to the lounge and moved some furniture in preparation to lift the carpet, the 'Rabbi' huffily went back up the stairs and 'Chris' duly lifted the carpet and observed something rather strange, an obvious 'Hatch' had been fitted in the 'Bay Area' it was not nailed down and 'Chris' lifted it up, he sat back on his heels as he observed that there was a 'Wooden Box' under the floor, he reasoned that THIS must have been what was being searched for and the reason for WHY it was not found was quite simple, the 'Bay Area' was separated when the 'Floor Joists' were inserted, there was a 'Brick Division' which would have given the impression to anyone looking under the floor with a 'Flashlight', that THAT wall was the extent of the building providing they did not understand the 'Building Industry', 'Chris' opened the box and discovered that there were 'Thousands of Pounds' in 'Banded' fifty pound notes within it, he trembled for a moment, struggled with his conscience and then, looking toward the door of the lounge, made his move.

'Chris' quickly removed the 'Wooden Box',it looked like a 'Toolbox' and he was quite sure that he could remove it from the premises without detection, the more he considered his action, the more convinced he was that the 'Rabbi's Was not aware of it or else he would have known about the 'Hatch', how great is the power of the 'Almighty' that those who were seeking in the first place, were guided to roll the carpet from the other end of the room, had they chosen to start from the 'Bay Area' then the contents of the 'Wooden Box' would have fallen into their grasping hands.

'Chris' completed the job, he did not argue with the 'Rabbi' when he was given only 'Ninety Pounds' for his day's work, the usual 10% reduction due to the 'Goodwill' of the 'Rabbi',he shook hands and thanked the 'Rabbi' for giving him the opportunity to earn some money, he took his 'Tools' and loaded them in his van and graciously departed.

The 'Rabbi' gleefully ascended the stairs to continue with his 'Quest' and 'Chris' took the 'Wooden Box' to his small flat, both men are currently perusing their possessions, the 'Rabbi' with his 'Ledger' of ;Hieroglyphics' and 'Chris' (he who had received the blessings of the 'Almighty')happily counting his 'Pile of Dosh' amounting to 'One Hundred and Forty Nine Thousand Pounds' (there was 'One Hundred and Fifty Thousand' there a few weeks ago BUT, old 'Isaac' needed a 'Grand' for a bit of business he was doing, it certainly would not have been in his pockets when he 'Took His Dip'. :wink:
User avatar
Schnauzer
Regular Contributor
Regular Contributor
 
Posts: 2155
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 10:55 pm
Location: Touring Timbuktu.

Re: The Trials of 'Isaac Koch'

Postby kurupetos » Mon Mar 12, 2012 9:37 pm

Your story is becoming very juicy...I mean Jewish. :? :lol:
User avatar
kurupetos
Leading Contributor
Leading Contributor
 
Posts: 18843
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:46 pm
Location: Cyprus

PreviousNext

Return to Jokes and Enigmas

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests