Cyprus-Forum.com

by **davidp** » Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:05 pm

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline!

If you are obsessive compulsive. Press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 3 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, pres 3,4, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
I you are a manic-depressive. It doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press ;g96fl9696969b969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press B and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth. Social security number, and your mothers maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u- l-l-y press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the, beep or before the beep or after the beep- Please wait for the beep.
I you have short-term, memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to
YOU.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & Cry. YOU won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just screw it up.