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Retired Businessman

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Retired Businessman

Postby mountainman » Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:53 am

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a
vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have
the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on
an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and
coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he
asks,

"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
with you."



"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile
iron..I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.



"Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As
the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a
stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she
says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice,"
winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit
down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm
going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a
shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There,
in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells
honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel
mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines,
strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons
for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've
been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm
sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing
for?"

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean . ..... " he swallows
excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.




"........you've built a Golf Course "
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Postby reportfromcyprus » Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:55 am

lol

alternate ending; football pitch :)
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Postby reportfromcyprus » Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:55 am

oops, wrong socio-economic group :)
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Postby Kikapu » Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:58 pm

A joke "Microphone" can appreciate, being a "English Capitalist success story" and all that jazz.!!
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Postby The Microphone » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:20 pm

Just trying to decide if you are being humorous or having a dig........ i'll give you the benefit of the doubt :) kikapu.
Personally i'd prefer the ooty pitch.
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Postby Kikapu » Thu Sep 14, 2006 2:14 am

The Microphone wrote:Just trying to decide if you are being humorous or having a dig........ i'll give you the benefit of the doubt :) kikapu.
Personally i'd prefer the ooty pitch.


I can't tell a lie, it was 50-50. But since you have given me the benefit of the doubt already, lets call it 100% humorous.!!
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