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Joke time

We all need a good laugh.

Re: Joke time

Postby miltiades » Sun Oct 09, 2022 3:53 pm

Get Real! wrote:Articles...

German government furious as ‘friendly countries’ charge ‘astronomical prices’ for gas <--- No honor among thieves! :lol:
https://rmx.news/article/german-governm ... s-for-gas/

PayPal Reverses Course, Says Company Will Not Seize Money From People for Promoting ‘Misinformation’ <--- Criminal Paypal lost so many accounts that they're now into damage control overdrive, albeit too late! :lol:
https://www.theepochtimes.com/paypal-re ... 83827.html

Kiev’s counter attacks on Kherson have failed
https://expmx.com/2022/10/03/kievs-coun ... -official/

Your Next Pain Will Be Soaring Electricity Costs As Energy Crisis Comes To America
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/your- ... es-america


>> © Never-Ending Links - Sponsored by ELENI the cheap fat-arsed dirty whore of Stroumbi <<

THE THOUREGHLY SICK PSYCHOPATH PERVERTED PAEDOPHILE OUGHT TO BE CASTRATED. LEAVE LITTLE GIRLS ALONE YOU SICK BASTARD.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Get Real! » Sun Oct 09, 2022 3:54 pm

Articles...

German government furious as ‘friendly countries’ charge ‘astronomical prices’ for gas <--- No honor among thieves! :lol:
https://rmx.news/article/german-governm ... s-for-gas/

PayPal Reverses Course, Says Company Will Not Seize Money From People for Promoting ‘Misinformation’ <--- Criminal Paypal lost so many accounts that they're now into damage control overdrive, albeit too late! :lol:
https://www.theepochtimes.com/paypal-re ... 83827.html

Kiev’s counter attacks on Kherson have failed
https://expmx.com/2022/10/03/kievs-coun ... -official/

Your Next Pain Will Be Soaring Electricity Costs As Energy Crisis Comes To America
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/your- ... es-america


>> © Never-Ending Links - Sponsored by ELENI the cheap fat-arsed dirty whore of Stroumbi <<
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Mon Oct 10, 2022 11:43 am

A woman's husband dies. He had left $30,000 to be used for an elaborate
funeral. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she
tells her closest friend that "there is absolutely nothing left from the
$30,000."

The friend asks, "How can that be?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost was $6,500. And, of course, I made
a donation to the church --that was $500, and I spent another $500 for the
wake, food and drinks you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, " $22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"

The widow says: "Four and a half carats."
Last edited by Lordo on Mon Oct 10, 2022 12:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Mon Oct 10, 2022 11:49 am

Is Mommy There?

"Hello?" the child says on the phone.

"Hi, honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy," says the little girl. "She's upstairs in the bedroom with
Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."

"Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Dad takes a deep breath. "Okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put
the phone down, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to
Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay, Daddy, just a minute," says the little girl. A few minutes later,
the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy."

"What happened, honey?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all."

"Oh, my God! What about your Uncle Paul?" asks Dad in a panic.

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out all the water last week to
clean the pool. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

There's a long pause on the phone.

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Mon Oct 10, 2022 12:22 pm

Mike was engaged to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down
for a little chat.

He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your
mother and said, "Here - try these on." She did and said,"These are too big
I can't wear them." I replied, "'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and
I always will.

Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike, that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here try these on.
" She tried them on and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me.
" Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family, and I always will."

Karen then proceeded to take her pants off and handed them to Mike.
She said, "Here, try mine on." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Mon Oct 10, 2022 12:44 pm

One of the best.

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said

"Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".

Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen...,

"That's my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"...!!!
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Tue Oct 11, 2022 2:42 pm

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"

"Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says, "It's a zebra."

"Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your
mother calls your father."

Little Johnny shouts out, "IS IT A HORNY BASTARD?"
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Tue Oct 11, 2022 2:47 pm

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.

"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."

"Of course, I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride. "Impossible", says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately, not", the bride explained.
"My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it.
My second husband was a gynaecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it.
My third husband was a painter and decorator.... All he ever wanted to do was paint and decorate it

So, you see.............
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Tue Oct 11, 2022 2:50 pm

This one is for boaters

Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Pete says "Dave what are you so happy for?"

"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Pete. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'

She couldn't swim!!."
The next day Pete walks into the bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the counter with a bigger smile on his face. Pete says "What are you so happy about today Dave?"

"Well Pete... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here. She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'

She couldn't swim!!
A couple of days pass and Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave crying over a beer. Pete says "Dave, why are you so sad?"

"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?"

"Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her, WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Pete !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! .....
....Pete, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Tue Oct 11, 2022 2:53 pm

Carlos calls his boss in the morning:
"Ey, boss I no come work today I really sick. I got headache,
stomach-ache, my legs hurt, I no work today."

The boss says:
"You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go
to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel
better and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Carlos calls:
"Boss, I do what you say, and I feel great, I'll be at work soon.
And by the way, you got nice house."
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