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Joke time

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Joke time

Postby Lordo » Mon Apr 18, 2022 12:20 am

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
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Re: Joke time

Postby repulsewarrior » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:42 am

...i don't know, what do you call a gay dinosaur; Miss?
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Wed Apr 20, 2022 12:06 pm

repulsewarrior wrote:...i don't know, what do you call a gay dinosaur; Miss?

It depends whether it is a male or a female.

A male one is called Megasoreass.

And a female is called Lickalottapuss
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Re: Joke time

Postby Kikapu » Thu Apr 21, 2022 6:32 am

Lordo wrote:
repulsewarrior wrote:...i don't know, what do you call a gay dinosaur; Miss?

It depends whether it is a male or a female.

A male one is called Megasoreass.

And a female is called Lickalottapuss


:lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 2:57 pm

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They spreadsheeted
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards. How else were they going to do their mailmerge.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:


'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?

God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES....
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 2:59 pm

Dress Code.

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 3:01 pm

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 3:05 pm

Toilet Use:
Warning: Too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 3:07 pm

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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Re: Joke time

Postby Lordo » Thu Apr 21, 2022 3:15 pm

'Well, a man was playing golf with his wife. He'd been having a great game but unfortunately she wasn't.
On the 15th tee he hit a beautiful shot, 270 metres straight down the fairway.
His wife steps up and hits a tremendous slice that leaves the course and lands in the pasture out of bounds.
They both went looking for the ball and just as they were about to give up he spotted a glint of white coming from a cows behind, just under its tail.
He lifted the tail to make sure, and then called to his wife saying, 'here, honey, this looks like yours.' That's the last thing he remembers.'
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